mashaAllah!! very very nice explanations..if only ppl could see the whole picture…there would be so much less conflicts and misunderstandings…great work!! and again i like the guy’s expressions each time she gets a new dress!! awesome work!! 🙂
Thank you Nasmira. I also wish people would read the Quran themselves, with tafseer, rather than blindly quoting other people they learned from. I asked some people whether men can hit their wives, and the answer was , of course, it’s in the Quran! Especially in the South Asia. Then I ask if women can hit their husbands (remember, it’s not prohibited in the Quran), then of course the tone changes… no…. so what if it’s not in the Quran… look at hadith… LOL
haha! so true!! ppl come up with umpteen arguments even if it goes against sunnah to prove their point! subhanAllah!
December 5, 2011 at 9:57 am
Dina
I love how you went through this issue blow by blow.
I had never heard of the Sheikh Zayed Story in the context of explaining this aya… selective teaching anybody!? And that the prophet (peace be upon him) had initially ruled that she hit him back is fascinating. And it actually makes the aya have more sense knowing this story. It brings the aya from the angle of “if your wife is annoying you don’t hit her… here is the legal course of action that is best for you to take 1. keep calm 2. Talk to her 3. Sleep on the couch 4. separate” as opposed to the regular and only angle this aya is taught from which is “One day your wife is going to annoy you and you are going to have to hit her… here is how”
Having grown up in the middle east the only thing you hear is that “Men can hit their wives” no questions asked or allowed. They don’t even try to stress or explain the meaning of the word lightly.
What other arabic words have the root meaning of “darb” the same as Adriboo but means to leave?… need backup for when i make this argument to people! I wish I paid more attention in arabic classes!!
Zayd was a Sahabi, so he isn’t called Sheikh Zayed, but is known simply as Zayd. The story is found in the annals of tafseer. He is also known as Zayd ibn Zuhair in some versions, and the husband is named as S’ad ibn Rabi.
Hitting wives and its acceptability is cultural, I feel. Thus the applicability of this verse varies across the world, IMO. I am yet to hear of a husband who when angry did not hit his wife but talked to her, separated and THEN hit her. Usually it’s “oh you annoy me, you are arguing with me, SLAP!”
What sort of teaching would that be?
As for expanding on the root of darab, you are better off doing your research as I am not an expert in Arabic, I just speak enough of it to read and translate the Quran, and I know a bit of tafseer, and read lot of tafseers before I do my depictions.
If the wife buying a new dress and living beyond her husband’s means is not a big deal, then she shouldn’t be beaten for it, right, as some cultures say? And as verse 35 shows, sometimes little problems can become big deals, but when solved using Allah’s method, using arbitrators, they can often come to a sensible resolution.
In response to Abrar’s question…many shyookh argue that the only reason for which a wife could be beaten is disloyalty. But since this blog is primarily for children I appreciate that you didn’t go into that detail – I can safely show this to my children without having to worry about explaining ‘disloyalty’ 🙂
There are overwhelming verses in which Allah asks us to live with our spouses in love and tranquility (49:13, 30:20, etc.) I would hope that these scholars also look at those verses. As an aside, I think Islam needs more women scholars to explore these issues. We have to ask, who beats the husband if he is “disloyal”? 🙂
Subhanallah! Amazing post!! You’ve explained it so well, masha’allah! This verse is so highly misinterpreted, we needed an explanation like this..! Loved it!
Jazakallahu Khair! 🙂
How can you just say a verse of the Quran applies or not applies? Who are you to decide? Allah revealed the whole Quran to be our guide. I think you want to say beating the wife is not allowed in Islam when it is. In Islam a man is head of household.
It seems you are trying to promote a woman version of Islam, even showing men and women in the same mosque without a purdah. Brother please repent and delete this post.
It’s hard to know whether you are jesting or serious in your comments.
I have not said that 4:34 does not apply all the time. I said it does not apply in our case, given our society.
Yes, there are verses of Quran whose applicability can vary depending on the situation. The most famous incident is when Caliph Umar (a man about whom the Prophet [peace be upon him] said if there was a prophet after me it would have been Umar) did not punish thieves with the hadd punishment (hand cut off) during a time of severe drought and poverty.
If a man like him can decide a verse does not apply then I think we are in good standing to say not all verses of the Quran are applicable all the time; rather the Quran is a guide for all times with all of its verses.
You would be interested to know that Shifa bint Abdullah, a woman, was appointed by Umar as controller of the market in the city of Medina. She walked around town with a bull whip to keep the money lenders in line!
I talk a little bit about gender segregated weddings on my blog. You will see it has no basis in Islam.
As for depicting women sitting after men in the mosque, this is how it was during the Prophet Muhammad’s time. It is the sunnah practice to have men, then children, then women in prayers, without barriers.
The only one thing in the depiction about women sitting after men is that there has to be a space of 1 row between the men and women during prayer. But this is a khutbah, not a prayer, and all the women are in hijab, so I think my depiction is correct.
SubhanaAllah very beautifully explain the verses of Holy Quran, Surat Nisa explain each and everything about Muslims life and teaching of Islam.Thanks for sharing such a authentic post.
Salamz Mezba,
I’ve been enjoying your blog for a long time without commenting but had to say something after reading this post. Jazakallah for doing such a wonderful job of explaining the ayah so beautifully. I run a Domestic Violence Shelter in Chicago and I’ve seen countless Muslim women where their husbands use that ayah to justify DV. And as you said they all forget the first half of the same ayah regarding gently admonishing them or sleeping separately. She didn’t cook dinner on time (coz of a sick child maybe), she gets beaten black and blue.
Many Imams that I work with are doing a great job in educating their congregations and talking about DV in Jummah Khutbah.
Salaams and thanks you so much for this comment. I have been to domestic violence shelters in Bangladesh and it breaks my heart to see what society tolerates and what women go through in the name of Islam. Sometimes, I feel a great sin is being borne out by those whose examples deter someone else from following Islam.
Hopefully now, more and more Imams and religious leaders are getting on board with the idea that beating wife = bad.
very very nice explanations..if only ppl could see the whole picture…there would be so much less conflicts and misunderstandings…great work!! and again i like the guy’s expressions each time she gets a new dress!! awesome work!!
Teaching Kids the Holy Quran 
Pingback: Chapter 4 – Nisaa (Women) – Verse 34 « Teaching Kids the Holy Quran
mashaAllah!! very very nice explanations..if only ppl could see the whole picture…there would be so much less conflicts and misunderstandings…great work!! and again i like the guy’s expressions each time she gets a new dress!! awesome work!! 🙂
December 4, 2011 at 10:42 am
Thank you Nasmira. I also wish people would read the Quran themselves, with tafseer, rather than blindly quoting other people they learned from. I asked some people whether men can hit their wives, and the answer was , of course, it’s in the Quran! Especially in the South Asia. Then I ask if women can hit their husbands (remember, it’s not prohibited in the Quran), then of course the tone changes… no…. so what if it’s not in the Quran… look at hadith… LOL
December 4, 2011 at 11:21 am
haha! so true!! ppl come up with umpteen arguments even if it goes against sunnah to prove their point! subhanAllah!
December 5, 2011 at 9:57 am
I love how you went through this issue blow by blow.
I had never heard of the Sheikh Zayed Story in the context of explaining this aya… selective teaching anybody!? And that the prophet (peace be upon him) had initially ruled that she hit him back is fascinating. And it actually makes the aya have more sense knowing this story. It brings the aya from the angle of “if your wife is annoying you don’t hit her… here is the legal course of action that is best for you to take 1. keep calm 2. Talk to her 3. Sleep on the couch 4. separate” as opposed to the regular and only angle this aya is taught from which is “One day your wife is going to annoy you and you are going to have to hit her… here is how”
Having grown up in the middle east the only thing you hear is that “Men can hit their wives” no questions asked or allowed. They don’t even try to stress or explain the meaning of the word lightly.
What other arabic words have the root meaning of “darb” the same as Adriboo but means to leave?… need backup for when i make this argument to people! I wish I paid more attention in arabic classes!!
December 4, 2011 at 11:06 am
Salaams Dina,
Zayd was a Sahabi, so he isn’t called Sheikh Zayed, but is known simply as Zayd. The story is found in the annals of tafseer. He is also known as Zayd ibn Zuhair in some versions, and the husband is named as S’ad ibn Rabi.
Hitting wives and its acceptability is cultural, I feel. Thus the applicability of this verse varies across the world, IMO. I am yet to hear of a husband who when angry did not hit his wife but talked to her, separated and THEN hit her. Usually it’s “oh you annoy me, you are arguing with me, SLAP!”
What sort of teaching would that be?
As for expanding on the root of darab, you are better off doing your research as I am not an expert in Arabic, I just speak enough of it to read and translate the Quran, and I know a bit of tafseer, and read lot of tafseers before I do my depictions.
December 4, 2011 at 11:29 am
A good presentation regarding the nuances and all the points brought up by these ayahs.
A question though:
Is the wife shopping for a new dress really a big deal? Is this the ill conduct and disloyalty what is meant in the verses?
December 4, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Thank you Abrar for the question. You are of course referring to the depiction of verse 34 https://readwithmeaning.wordpress.com/2011/12/04/chapter-4-nisaa-women-verse-34/
You bring up a good point.
If the wife buying a new dress and living beyond her husband’s means is not a big deal, then she shouldn’t be beaten for it, right, as some cultures say? And as verse 35 shows, sometimes little problems can become big deals, but when solved using Allah’s method, using arbitrators, they can often come to a sensible resolution.
December 4, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Well done, Mezba! Bravo! Bravo! I publicised it on my Facebook Page. Thank you so much for handling this sensitive topic so well. You are brilliant!
December 5, 2011 at 12:48 pm
In response to Abrar’s question…many shyookh argue that the only reason for which a wife could be beaten is disloyalty. But since this blog is primarily for children I appreciate that you didn’t go into that detail – I can safely show this to my children without having to worry about explaining ‘disloyalty’ 🙂
December 5, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Thank you, Metis.
There are overwhelming verses in which Allah asks us to live with our spouses in love and tranquility (49:13, 30:20, etc.) I would hope that these scholars also look at those verses. As an aside, I think Islam needs more women scholars to explore these issues. We have to ask, who beats the husband if he is “disloyal”? 🙂
December 5, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Subhanallah! Amazing post!! You’ve explained it so well, masha’allah! This verse is so highly misinterpreted, we needed an explanation like this..! Loved it!
Jazakallahu Khair! 🙂
December 5, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Thank you potential hijabi. I hope a lot of people can see this explanation, and know that wife abuse is wrong.
December 5, 2011 at 1:28 pm
How can you just say a verse of the Quran applies or not applies? Who are you to decide? Allah revealed the whole Quran to be our guide. I think you want to say beating the wife is not allowed in Islam when it is. In Islam a man is head of household.
It seems you are trying to promote a woman version of Islam, even showing men and women in the same mosque without a purdah. Brother please repent and delete this post.
December 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm
Salaams Abdullah,
It’s hard to know whether you are jesting or serious in your comments.
I have not said that 4:34 does not apply all the time. I said it does not apply in our case, given our society.
Yes, there are verses of Quran whose applicability can vary depending on the situation. The most famous incident is when Caliph Umar (a man about whom the Prophet [peace be upon him] said if there was a prophet after me it would have been Umar) did not punish thieves with the hadd punishment (hand cut off) during a time of severe drought and poverty.
If a man like him can decide a verse does not apply then I think we are in good standing to say not all verses of the Quran are applicable all the time; rather the Quran is a guide for all times with all of its verses.
You would be interested to know that Shifa bint Abdullah, a woman, was appointed by Umar as controller of the market in the city of Medina. She walked around town with a bull whip to keep the money lenders in line!
I talk a little bit about gender segregated weddings on my blog. You will see it has no basis in Islam.
As for depicting women sitting after men in the mosque, this is how it was during the Prophet Muhammad’s time. It is the sunnah practice to have men, then children, then women in prayers, without barriers.
December 8, 2011 at 1:27 pm
The only one thing in the depiction about women sitting after men is that there has to be a space of 1 row between the men and women during prayer. But this is a khutbah, not a prayer, and all the women are in hijab, so I think my depiction is correct.
December 8, 2011 at 1:32 pm
So interesting, Subhanallah! Thanks again for the wonderful lesson. May Allah (swt) reward you immensely.
December 12, 2011 at 9:25 am
Thank you for your duah!
December 12, 2011 at 9:30 am
Brilliant!!!!
Salams 🙂
December 12, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Thank you.
December 13, 2011 at 11:13 am
SubhanaAllah very beautifully explain the verses of Holy Quran, Surat Nisa explain each and everything about Muslims life and teaching of Islam.Thanks for sharing such a authentic post.
December 30, 2011 at 6:46 am
Welcome to this blog.
December 30, 2011 at 8:05 pm
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Salamz Mezba,
I’ve been enjoying your blog for a long time without commenting but had to say something after reading this post. Jazakallah for doing such a wonderful job of explaining the ayah so beautifully. I run a Domestic Violence Shelter in Chicago and I’ve seen countless Muslim women where their husbands use that ayah to justify DV. And as you said they all forget the first half of the same ayah regarding gently admonishing them or sleeping separately. She didn’t cook dinner on time (coz of a sick child maybe), she gets beaten black and blue.
Many Imams that I work with are doing a great job in educating their congregations and talking about DV in Jummah Khutbah.
May Allah swt reward you for your efforts.
August 29, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Maryam,
Salaams and thanks you so much for this comment. I have been to domestic violence shelters in Bangladesh and it breaks my heart to see what society tolerates and what women go through in the name of Islam. Sometimes, I feel a great sin is being borne out by those whose examples deter someone else from following Islam.
Hopefully now, more and more Imams and religious leaders are getting on board with the idea that beating wife = bad.
Regards,
Mezba
August 31, 2012 at 2:06 pm
very very nice explanations..if only ppl could see the whole picture…there would be so much less conflicts and misunderstandings…great work!! and again i like the guy’s expressions each time she gets a new dress!! awesome work!!
March 12, 2015 at 11:49 am
Thank you!
On Thu, Mar 12, 2015 at 12:49 PM, Teaching Kids the Holy Quran wrote:
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March 12, 2015 at 1:46 pm